GUEST POST: 2018 Has Been A Year of Acceptance

There are some experiences that have the potential to drastically alter the direction of your life, your perspective on things, and ultimately your growth as a human being. A psychedelic session is one of them and I have had the pleasure of being introduced to a new way of looking at everything.

The experience of "realizing" how interconnected we all are, how we're all part of this one whole energy existing as inconsequential versions of itself, and how much potential we have to produce an ideal reality, was overwhelming. So much so that I became a different person since then; calmer, wiser, and more compassionate.

However, after visiting this "Garden of Eden" of a perspective, I slowly returned to who I was, or rather this version of a human experience, with its personality, ambitions, emotions, and flaws-- albeit tempered with the "higher" view. Perhaps if I stayed unemployed, I pondered, the return would have been slower and I would have been in a zen headspace for longer but the unfortunate truth of this life we've made for ourselves is that we need money to survive, and no one pays someone to just "exist". So I did what was necessary and got a job.

And here is where things got a bit dissonant for me.

During my visit to the higher consciousness, I've felt the obsoleteness of having money as the motivator to produce. It made more sense to be motivated by love and volunteerism, because the former ultimately conditions you to think about your own survival and how to embellish it with things that aren't actually that important whereas the latter nurtures compassion for our fellow man and our environment. And it encourages creativity and ambition with regards to what you personally would want to offer this world.

But obviously that is not our reality. And getting a job sort of pushes that fact on your face.  

Imagine doing something you'd rather not do for the sake of survival. Imagine spending the majority of your time (and in extension your life) not offering what your soul wants to offer. Imagine wasting your life not living it.

I felt like it was a betrayal, to and by ourselves. We've effectively created a system where we're incentivized to just make and do more regardless if it makes sense or if this is the best use of your brief time as yourself.

We've squandered our potential.

And what's worse was that I could see the bullshit that's being fed to us.

I found it quite skeptical when companies tout employee well-being as a core value because by nature, companies at its core only really care about the profit that their investment (thats you and me) makes for them and all concern for "well-being" is only enough to prevent you from leaving.

"I want everyone to feel empowered". Bullshit. I've never felt more disenfranchised.

"We're not like other companies!" Bullshit.

"Fuck corporate!" BULL-FUCKING-SHIT.

The dissonance mangled me for months. I was torn between giving what was expected of my employment and getting as far away from the system as possible.

But I've thought about it plenty, which you're pretty much forced to do when carrying such pain, and read some Buddhist and psychedelic articles searching for guidance, and I've read that suffering is part and parcel of existence, control is an illusion, this life is but a game of games, and that we individually can't really change the world but we can change how we deal with it.

I applied it to my life like a poultice to a wound and slowly, I'm letting go of the pain. I tried to reframe my view of my situation to think of it as a game rather than a prison; to treat it as a challenge on how to deal with it rather than despair. 

So despite having a few more weeks left, I can say that 2018 has been a year of acceptance. I have accepted the reality of my situation and I have accepted that this is a game I have to play. 2019 looms near, already with an air that there will be a lot in store, but all I really have to say is...

glhf!